I hate them all!

Companion
Paine = bread (in French)
Hence, companion is a person you break bread with.

I don’t know which of them I hate the most. RK, AVJ, KV, KM, SP. I hate them all.

The smart one’s saw it coming. They left early.

Why do I always get myself into this?

Everytime I get to a new place, I make friends. Friends who are so close. Like family.
And then they leave. Or I leave.

And it’s so hard.

And I tell myself – Pankaj, you stupid bumbling oaf. You never seem to learn from your mistakes.

And I resolve.

Next time, I will not let this happen. I will not allow myself to be drawn into this closed-user-group friendship thingie. I will keep to myself. Make no friends. Not get close with anyone. And I won’t be hurt when this happens.

Not after it happened at IIT when I overstayed because I liked the place so much. Not after it happened again at Pune. Not after Finland, surely. Not after the Ahmedabad campus.
But, no. I don’t stop. I keep doing it over and over again. Like clockwork.

I am a dynamic person – I tell myself. Always keep moving. Leave the past behind. But, yet, I manage to do it. All the time.

Stupid. Utterly foolish.

I don’t know which of them I hate the most.

KM. Yes, I hate KM the most. For his brilliant four thousand watt smile under his spiderman eyes. For his legendary coffee-breaks. Coffee-breaks were such an intrinsic ritual of the office-life then. What was the point of coming to office if the entire CUG does not go for their coffee-break and gossip routine together?

Or maybe I hate RK the most. Yes. Definitely, I hate RK the most. For those intelligent conversations. And for always being there for any sort of company needed on any sort of break. Be it coffee or dinner or chai at the bundi or anything at all. Mind you – the guy does not eat. But he will accompany you to hell if you ask him.

Or maybe I hate AVJ the most. Yes. Definitely, I hate AVJ the most. For always dropping me home. And making us all go through the twenty thousand pictures of her engagement. Yes – all twenty thousand of them. Seventeen times. DAILY! Or for her – does my hair look pretty like this? Or like that? And for the “So Pankaj, which of the girls standing there do you like the most?” Come on, with my luck - if I like anyone, I am sure they are married.

Or maybe I hate KV the most. Yes. Definitely, I hate KV the most. For always laughing at my stupid jokes. And for her rendering of nostalgic memories of days long gone by. And for all the gyan on marriage and married life. And for the discussions on shoes and dresses and haircuts when she and AVJ are together. And for the fights on who should get dropped home first.

Or maybe I hate SP the most. Yes. Definitely, I hate SP the most. For always being there. Brothers-in-arms, we called ourselves. Infinite chai-breaks and dinners. For the sense of competition he always gave me. And the sense of stability.

Or maybe I hate all of them equally. For being such a close-knit family. For baby-ing me so much and spoiling me. For never making me realize that I am away from home.

No matter. I hate them all equally.

For leaving me alone and going.

Damn.

When will I learn?